FoUnd iN tRanSLatiOn

 Knitting is like reading code. There are thousands upon thousands of abbreviations that become a cellular part of your psyche. You find that as time goes on, it takes hardly any processing at all. You just look, see K2tog tbl, and you know just what has to be done. You also speak in a code that is not apart of the non knitters frame of reference.  Soon, it dawns on you that they have no idea what the hell you are talking about. This became apparent to me when I happened to mention to someone that I recently finished an afghan for my nephew, which elicited this quick and thoughtful response, "What's an afghan?"

I had to stop and ask myself "Just what the hell is an afghan"?.

When I googled "Afghan" this came up:

Afghan may refer to:

* Someone or something related to Afghanistan
* Pashtun people, the largest ethnic group in Afghanistan and second largest ethnic group in Pakistan; see also Afghan (name)

o Pashto language (Afghan language), the native language of the Pashtuns

Further down the Wikipedia list, there was mention that "Afgahn" may refer to a knitted or crochet blanket, or throw. I even learned that the Afghan, used to describe a throw, or a throw-blanket did indeed originate from Afghanistan.  The original Afghan served the same function, was made from disposible materials and meant to be discarded, or thrown away after use.  But from now on, I think I will just tell my non-knitting, non-crocheting friends that I made a blanket. 

Last summer I made myself a shrug, from an original pattern called the Lizzie from Stitch Therapy where I teach and select yarns for hoarding. Again, my friends not familiar with the terminology used by craft fiends such as myself, needed further clarification. "What's a shrug?" I was asked.  Once again, I had to ponder "Just what the hell is a shrug?" So I once again went to my computer, and got this definition for "shrug".

: to raise or draw in the shoulders especially to express aloofness, indifference, or uncertainty

I knew that. But now a days the first thing that comes to my mind, isn't the first thing that comes to the mind of the lay person. So from now on, I think I will say I made myself a little bolero. How many people, I wonder, have I told I made an Afghan, walked away wondering "How the hell did she do that? I didn't know you could knit that." I imagine that for as many people that will ask "What's that?", there are many, many more who won't. And when I told friends, that I was busy working on a shrug, they must have walked away, shaking their head in confusion and well . . .

 just shrugged.

the QuEsT fOr tOtAL rEcALL

I had come down with some type of throat thing, (strep maybe?) and for the last several days I and my knitting were out of commission. Too exhausted to properly obsess, I've put down my needles for a brief hiatus to recover. Having no energy to physically navigate and properly fixate over the gusset in this glove I've been working on, I've found myself really thinking about why I knit (did I mention obsessively), and where it all began. I have no recollection how I learned to knit in my youth. I made a scarf once, and aside from the sheer basics was completely useless. Crocheting was more my thing, and for years I pretended not to know how I learned to do that. What I did know was that I was in desperate need of an innocuous hobby that didn't involve a rifle, or a set of bows and arrows, so when I found out that this woman my father was fucking at the time knew how to crochet, I had her teach me. I was about 8 at the time, and for some bizarre reason that I can't recall, I was sitting in her home, and before long with hook in hand, I learned crochet basics. It started with a granny square that just kept getting bigger and bigger like the absurdity that was my life, and this woman was on hand to help me out when I got stuck. I spent enough time in her home, that I would become proficient enough at crochet to make blankets, scarfs and hats. And so, from time to time, over the years, I did as much. That very first blanket I made went to one of my nieces when they were born. Or at least I hope it did. And thus spawned the poster child for the expression, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

I didn't start to knit really until my adulthood. Shortly after I got married, I went into a yarn store that had recently opened in my neighborhood to ask a question about a crochet project. The store's owner happen to ask me if I knew how to knit. I responded that I did. At least somewhat. She handed me a skein of yarn, a pair of knitting needles, and asked me to demonstrate how I do it. Using the backward loop cast-on, I proceeded with my pathetic attempt. After completing a row with the finesse of a gorilla in pointe shoes, she said she could show me a better way. It was at this time time I would learn the long tail cast-on, and how to knit continental. What I demonstrated was the English method, which produces the same result, and how I figure most knitters knit. I on the other hand fell madly in love with continental knitting, and went home that night to feverishly practice my new found skill. With that, my second completed knitting project, a basket weave stitch scarf would go to my very worthy husband. But the mystery of how I learned to make my very first scarf, and do what I did during my feeble presentation to the woman at the yarn store remains as elusive as was a passing grade in math. Perhaps it will come to me during an EMDR session. I still crochet and very often use this skill to embellish my knits. I consider myself lucky to know how to do both crafts.

 

The beauty of such crafts is the flexibility it provides. You can take it with you, and you can do it pretty much anywhere. There are a whole host of different techniques to learn and perfect, so while it can be repetitive, it is never boring. For me it provides a great escape during those times when I am insanity's hostage. There is nothing like having a project handy to help endure your family's madness. Something to think about the next time you find yourself with your insufferable in laws for the holidays.

KNITTING 101-Words of Wisdom

Let me be the first to say, that knitting is not for sissies. That's right, you heard it here first. It is not for sissies, the faint of heart, or for those looking to relax. What you just read are the opening remarks of my Beginning Knitting Class. It is important to know this going in. If you picture yourself sitting comfortably, luxuriating in a big cushy chair, knitting, smiling, while periodically sipping on a glass of vino, while working on a beautiful bonnet to go with those matching booties, you should know that the voice in your head is that of Rod Sterling narrator of the Twilight Zone. If that fantasy, minus the "comfortably luxuriating and smiling", has you screaming a stream of expletives, at 3am, drinking whiskey instead of vino, surrounded by frightened and bewildered family members, fingers covered in scabs and callouses, blood everywhere because you stabbed yourself repeatedly in the eye with your knitting needle with or without the work on it, on purpose, then you my friend are either a serious knitter, or ready to learn. My students look on with horror as I explain that the first thing they need to do is get comfortable with the idea of making a lot of mistakes and being open to ripping shit out. Jaws drop to the ground when I recount stories of having riped out a whole knitted sweater to do it over, or having worked on an intricate color pattern, to find that I made a mistake 12 rounds below, only to have to rip it back to rectify the error. And not just beginners either. This holds true for even the most seasoned yarn craftsmen or craftswomen. While knitting may not be by default the most relaxing hobby, it certainly will take your mind off of things. That is except your knitting. If what you are seeking is a relaxing hobby, collect stamps or coca cola memorabilia. But if you need a way to channel that OCD that is ruining your marriage, knitting could be for you. I often hear "I don't have the patience for that", but will hear in the next breath that they have been dating that asshole for 5 years. So knitting can be for you. Hell, it can be for everyone. I tell my students that knitting is 90% desire, 10% technique. It comes down to how bad you want it. What I teach is the 10%. Having been teaching for a while now, I give the following advice to anyone interested in learning to knit. 1)Practice... 2)Practice some more 3)Does it feel awkward? Like you are knitting with your feet with your hands cuffed behind your back, while blindfolded? Many report that feeling and I am here to tell you that it is not uncommon. 4)Don't let that feeling frighten you. Keep knitting. Soon it will feel like you are knitting with your hands, and before you know it, it will look like it too. 4)Trust that the more you do it, the easier it gets. Not knitting, just life. 5)You will find that you are enjoying yourself.