Grandma got run over by a reindeer . . .you wish?

So this morning, I go online to check email write email, and do other innocuous online activities when I come across this article I Bad Mouthed My Mother in Law, and she found it.  This struck a chord with me, not because, and let me emphasize this point, not because I have any mother in law issues, but simply because this piece addressed in general about the fall out of writing about difficult relationships.  While I have written nothing extensively about my mother in law per se, there was a blog entry of mine, that she found, and was "hurt" by, not so much the content, but by the last line of the blog, which referenced in the most generic way crazy in laws.  Complicated relationships are nothing new.  And with the holiday season in full swing now, crazy familial relationships for many, are ever present.  We all have relationships with people who are and can be difficult for a variety of reasons.  Reasons that range from the lack of filter from the inception of thought, to how it comes out of ones mouth, whether it be yours or "difficult" person in question to perhaps an old grudge. What is apparent is that seeing this stuff in print, or hearing it from a friend or family member, or on YouTube like the comic who, if you will recall a few months ago, was slapped with a law suit by her mother and sister in-law for some of the unflattering things mentioned about her mother in law relationship in one of her comedic sets, is very uncomfortable for all parties involved.  Whether it be the writer, comic, or the person on the receiving end.  The one common denominator of both these stories is more than the mother in law component.  If for a moment you consider what incites these rants, you will note, that it is often in response to things said to or about the offended party.  It is the rare person that will call someone out for something crazy that was said to them.  For example if someone says or infers that your house is a wreck, more often than not the person expresses their annoyance by going into a diatribe of the the inappropriateness of the remark in a way that is clearly argumentative, or just keep the fact that they are irritated to themselves and seethe silently.  Perhaps the time has come to be more vocal, more open about what pisses you off, in a way that educates as opposed to challenge.  The key is to  address the matter in a way the isn't confrontational.  This is where filtering the inception of the first thought "Are you crazy?  Did you just say that to me?  That is completely idiotic!" to "Can you take just a moment to see how what you said can be hurtful or insulting?"  This of course can go one of two ways.  The person addressed can immediately spot the error of their ways and apologize profusely, or it will trigger a full blown argument.  If you remain calm, the idea is that the flow and exchange of thoughts and ideas, can bring about discussion, then resolution and off set any bad feelings.  Or at least the potential to off set any bad feelings.  I can think back to many relationships in general where something was said, or done, where I would think "Are you out of your mind?", but then said nothing, and wrote this idiot off.  Let us be honest shall we, that most of this takes place within our own family dynamic.  Only after my own familial craziness and my reaction to it, did it dawn on me that there is an art to this whole communication, mediation, and resolution thing.  When I think back to things that have pissed me off, I can honestly say that for the most part my handling of it was less than graceful, often leaving me silently seething, or openly hostile.  I have come to see the importance of letting a person know they are a pain in the ass, in the most loving way of course.  At the very least you have the satisfaction of having made your feelings, your reactions known in an honest way.  I conclude that if a person knows they will likely be called on most every stupid thing they say to you, they are more likely to think twice before opening their mouth.  And the key on both sides is to THINK before speaking.