Jesus has left the building.

I began knitting around 2002, and began knitting compulsively shortly after a miscarrying what would have been my second child, a girl, at 4 and a half months on Good Friday, 2007. That sucked. Being somewhat Catholic, I thought to seek refuge at St. Augustine, which is around the corner from my home. I would often stop in there when I needed some peace and time for quiet reflection on this unique brand of insanity that is my life. Anyway, there is a life size crucifix, with Jesus and everything. So I figured I would stop in, say a few words, or not,cry, and feel sorry for myself. That might seem pretty selfish considering that from the looks of it, our brethren Jesus has bigger problems. Be that as it may, I was feeling a tad selfish and really needy that day, and since I grew up being told HE died for my sins, and that he can be a good to talk to in moments like these, I thought I might as well give it a whirl. I walk in, prepped and ready to completely unravel and freak out that I was now carrying a dead baby, and feeling pretty wretched to boot. Who better to share my profound horror and devastation? So I walk in, and it seems Jesus has left the building. I had forgotten that on Good Friday, it is not unusual to cover the crucifix to commemorate the death/Crucifixion of Christ in anticipation of the celebration of his Resurrection on Easter. But I must say, walking in the church, and not seeing Jesus was a huge bummer. In any case after feeling profoundly abandoned, the need to channel my energy into something that didn't involve being angry at God, and wallowing in self pity, I found myself at my local yarn with a desperate urge to knit. Kudos to Maxcine who, after I could not find a pattern I liked, insisted that I could design one I do like. I ended up making this beautiful lavender poncho for my daughter, thus giving birth to something I wouldn't have otherwise imagined. And that is where it all started. The good, the bad, and ugly. The good is the knitting part. The bad, and the ugly is whole other freak show.